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Sometimes I pick up the phone and there is a person
the person speaks.
Sometimes I have spoken first and I say things
like hello is someone there I am here.
I worry sometimes. Sometimes I worry so much
I pick up the phone to call someone to tell them
about my worries. Sometimes they try to talk me out of worrying
but sometimes this doesn’t work so I hang up.
When I hang up after efforts to calm me fail I sometimes
call the person back to apologize and worry my apology will not be accepted.
When my apology is accepted I feel better
till I remember the intitial worry but only sometimes
my apology is accepted because I have done this before. Maybe more than once.
But when I speak and worry and do not apologize
other people sometimes worry about me.
I speak a lot and apologize less.
On the phone I sound confident sometimes.
I call out of state and leave messages. I do
not leave a return number because I do
not want to speak with the person.
Sometimes the person can get my number anyway because of technology
but they usually do not call back because they are not worried about it.
These people I don’t apologize to. Not ever.
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But I do miss the hymns, / the small, hard apples with their dimpled skin. I do miss / things.
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