Having eaten an apple does not in any way
indicate that you have tasted the apple.
The core of the apple is only evidence
of an eaten apple, but it does not indicate
whether or not the outcomes we all voted on
were achieved while the apple was being eaten.
Whether or not the apple was appreciated
is of no import – appreciation is unmeasurable.
Ask: what do we want someone who eats
an apple to have learned after they have finished
eating? We have new software that will help you
determine the difference between eating
an apple and assessing the outcomes
of said eating. Remember, the government
will be assessing how we assess the consumption
of apples, and we can in no way say
that eating an apple is eating an apple
for calling an apple an apple isn’t appealing
to those who pay good money to eat apples
but don’t really know anything
about the apples we give them to eat.
Try finding another name for apple.
For example, a rounded seed bearing fruit object.
And it would be best if you could teach
to the outcomes in an interdisciplinary
fashion, because when it comes down to it,
there are many ways of operationalizing
the ingestion of a rounded seed bearing fruit object.
And above all else, you must remember
our raison d’etre, the mission of our
institution must suffuse your syllabi
from top to bottom. If you don’t
remember, our mission has something
to do with the darkness that surrounds
us and how we can take up the sword
of wisdom to extinguish the devil,
that snake in the grass who whispers
in the details: Come now, it is only
a rounded seed bearing fruit object…