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The weather is bad and she is an Amazon. No.
A dummy is held aloft for a long time
By a strong person. Douglas Fairbanks briefly poses‚
About to throw a dummy‚ but doesn’t have to.
The dummy doesn’t have to move‚
No matter who holds it.
The camera does that for it. Yes.
Suppose each person is a stock type instantly recognized.
Suppose that would make my life easier.
Suppose marriage preparations are also divorce proceedings—
But don’t complicate things‚ just alternate
A marriage preparation with a divorce proceeding in the same room. Yes.
The characters will have to change clothes a lot
But we aren’t paying them by the hour‚ are we? No. So yes.
Suppose she says I used to be a history major
And he says Why’d ya quit?
Suppose she says It involved more history than I wanted to know
And he says Nobody ever tells you their history out here‚
It’s their third chance.
Suppose she says So is it any wonder? No.
Suppose she says to a hint hint from him
Marriage is a business. No.
They have to get on with it‚ that’s why‚ and The Nut
Has to be a hit. No to everything. Yes to keep thinking.
I said No. No to everything except the dummy.
Far away‚ in 89 years‚ among five people‚
She maintains she is downwardly mobile‚
In a private conversation with you when the rest are not present. Yes‚ she does.
They keep the dummy and Douglas Fairbanks.
Douglas Fairbanks keeps himself. He is a boss and the writer
Too. He is zany. Yes.
Young. Yes. A millionaire. Yes. An eccentric inventor. Yes.
He bathes aided by odd funny gadgets.
He helps his girlfriend help poor children.
They’re dirty. In their neighborhood there’s
A slick clean gambler who tries to get in the pants of the girlfriend. Yes.
But he doesn’t succeed‚ he’s thwared by more gadgets
And it is funny how foolish he reacts with them. Now you’re talking.
Remember people think slipping is funnier than falling.
The zany millionaire Douglas Fairbanks has a party for the children
Who are clean now. Now you’re talking. Yes.
He has his wife appear in costume as herself. Wha?
She doesn’t look like Mary Pickford completely.
I think she looks snooty and perverse.
You think she looks hard and attractive. Maybe it’s not her.
But it is. If you say so‚ OK it is.
She disses the girlfriend‚ an in joke. No.
Charlie Chaplin is a good friend of the couple.
He appears at the party wearing an unconvincing tramp outfit
And the wrong mustache. Huh?
It is really him impersonating someone who is impersonating him.
OK‚ if you say so. Yes.
When Pickford‚ Chaplin‚ and Fairbanks go home‚ to their real homes
(Now wait‚ we don’t see this‚ do we?) No‚ but when they do‚
Time begins to pass‚ but not 89 years‚ so suppose
The next day‚ before the first shot‚
Suppose someone maintains she is downwardly mobile.
Suppose she’s willing to have a private conversation with you
When the three stars are not present. Yes‚ she does this.
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